It Was a Dark and Stormy Night Redux

Editorial Anonymous has just opened a Worst of the First Contest for you creative types out there. And I quote:

This will be your chance to enter both real first lines of manuscripts (for you gluttons for punishment) and made-up-just-for-the-contest first lines.

I'll offer a Bulwer Lytton Prize for overall, overwritten awfulness, but remember, this is the easy one. It's tougher to write first lines that are bad in ways that many people achieve accidentally--but those are the ones I'll really be on the lookout for.

There will also be a Seuss Prize for poetry as rhythmic as a pounding migraine, a Drivel Award for uninspired use of cliches, a Robert Munsch Citation for most dysfunctional relationship in a first line, and other honors based on the varieties of dreck you foist upon me.

My eyes stray longingly towards a couple self-published items I received last year. We'll see if I ever give in to temptation. As for yourself, go wild.