Mall of American Goes To Nickelodeon

First of all, fifty points to The Star Tribune for going all old-timey on us and writing a title like Mall Banks On Nick's Knack.

This tale will not hold you enthralled unless you, like myself, were a regular visitor to the awesome, great, and mighty Mall of America. If you've ever been then you know that at its core the mall sports a huge amusement part. For years that park has been named Camp Snoopy. And now NOW Nickelodeon is taking it all over.

"This is the biggest thing that has happened to us since opening 15 years ago," said Maureen Bausch, the mall's vice president of business development.

For the past year, the mall has been trying to convince the retail world that it can pull off a 5.6-million-square-foot expansion that would cost $1.9 billion and need more than $200 million in public subsidies.

Yes. You heard right. The mall wants to get bigger. Me? The unholy evils of consumerism aside, I'm all for it. I have an unholy love for that man made monstrosity. Whatever it wants, give it up. You haven't lived until you've eaten at a cereal bar, glided past a shark, gone for a flick, played glow-in-the-dark bowling, and taken in a comedy show all in the same gigantic town-sized mall.