It Was a Dark and Stormy Night Redux

Editorial Anonymous has just opened a Worst of the First Contest for you creative types out there. And I quote:

This will be your chance to enter both real first lines of manuscripts (for you gluttons for punishment) and made-up-just-for-the-contest first lines.

I'll offer a Bulwer Lytton Prize for overall, overwritten awfulness, but remember, this is the easy one. It's tougher to write first lines that are bad in ways that many people achieve accidentally--but those are the ones I'll really be on the lookout for.

There will also be a Seuss Prize for poetry as rhythmic as a pounding migraine, a Drivel Award for uninspired use of cliches, a Robert Munsch Citation for most dysfunctional relationship in a first line, and other honors based on the varieties of dreck you foist upon me.

My eyes stray longingly towards a couple self-published items I received last year. We'll see if I ever give in to temptation. As for yourself, go wild.

The Shocking Truth About the Slushpile

Don't look at me. That's just the name of this article I found via Bookninja. Here's a taste:

Often, the most awful stuff was written by aspiring children's authors. It appears to be a widely-held notion that anthropomorphising pavements, natural disasters or household appliances is the way to secure a place in the children's canon. But while your grandchildren may appear to really enjoy Tommy the Tenacious Toaster, the chances of it charming anyone else are slim.

It may be preaching to the choir, but it's just so good to hear. Read the rest.